Okay, I used to almost like shopping at Christmas. Then, I had sons. Sons who grew up and wanted video games. They were no longer happy with the boxes that inexpensive toys came in, they wanted the latest system and they were old enough to say 'Wii' but young enough that it was with a delicious little-boy lisp that made my heart melt. All they wanted was a Wii and a game or two. Unfortunately, that's all everyone else's little boys wanted, too.
I made it my mission to find my boys an elusive Wii. I went to every Target, Walmart, KMart, Costco and Shopko within a 30 mile radius, but it became more and more apparent that I was going to have more luck seeing the three Nephites and taking them home. The Wii was the holy grail of gifts and I became one of the wretched refuse running wild-eyed to the back of stores where the electronics were kept.
I called every GameStop and GameCrazy in Utah. I was willing to drive hours for it. I got a tip about a week before Christmas that a GameCrazy in West Valley was going to get a shipment as soon as it opened the next morning. I woke up early, drove to West Valley through inches of snow, and slid into the parking lot where plowed snow was piled into five foot hills. I waited with heart racing until the men who obviously lived with their mothers and owned the store opened the doors. I ran from the car with a nameless horde characterized by unkempt hair and pajama bottoms. I was third in line. I let myself feel a little euphoric. I was here! There were four Wiis and I was third in line! The horde and I got glimpses of the precious Wiis and gave them the silence they deserved. Finally, the guy in front of me stepped up. There were two Wiis left and...he wanted both. I felt sick and so did the people behind me. A murmur of dissent rose from us all and I briefly entertained the thought of jumping the guy in the parking lot and using the heel of my boot on him. Even after the guy left, I eyed the computer nerd behind the counter and asked, "You have any left?" He shook his head. I went out to my car and sobbed into the steering wheel.
I went home and told Steve about my failure as our sons' mother and the gift buyer of our home. I called my mom and dad and wailed into the phone that I didn't know what to do. My dad, alarmed by my hysteria, assured me that he would find me said Wii. Not believing him in the least, I thanked him and hung up, wondering if my boys would notice when they got Wii games and no Wii...
Two days before Christmas, my dad called me. He sounded like he had run a race and I worried that he was having a heart attack. "I got it! I have a Wii!" he whooped. I whooped back and jumped up and down. My dad had gone to Best Buy and they just happened to have had a shipment come in with 30 Wiis and were handing them out as he walked in the door! Huzzah! Woo hoo! Hallelujah! Dad was and is my hero.
Even now, years later, when I see a Wii, my heart starts racing and I have to fight back the urge to fill my cart with them and race for the cash register, pushing the huddled masses aside with elbows, teeth, and fingernails if I have to.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Is it Normal if...
1. I go to the gym with a Diet Coke.
2. I just figured out that I don't like pumpkin--pie, cookies, bread, etc.
3. My wedding dress was the first one I tried on and I was disappointed I found it so soon.
4. Camping seems masochistic.
5. Just seeing a Hobby Lobby makes me anxious/nauseous.
6. I don't like Christmas shopping but I love shopping any other time.
7. My hair gets shorter and shorter over the years but when Mikayla wanted to cut her long hair to her chin, I cried.
8. I have sea legs for two weeks after I go on a cruise.
9. I don't like pie.
10. I order the same thing every time I go to my favorite restaurant--why mess with a good thing?
11. I think reality t.v. is creepy.
12. I'm an English major, but I think Jane Austen is boring. I like the movie with Keira Knightley, though.
13. I name our cars depending on their color--Fern (our light green Odyssey), Ruby (our red Hyundai), and Pearl (our white Highlander.)
14. I think Steve is cuter without hair.
?
2. I just figured out that I don't like pumpkin--pie, cookies, bread, etc.
3. My wedding dress was the first one I tried on and I was disappointed I found it so soon.
4. Camping seems masochistic.
5. Just seeing a Hobby Lobby makes me anxious/nauseous.
6. I don't like Christmas shopping but I love shopping any other time.
7. My hair gets shorter and shorter over the years but when Mikayla wanted to cut her long hair to her chin, I cried.
8. I have sea legs for two weeks after I go on a cruise.
9. I don't like pie.
10. I order the same thing every time I go to my favorite restaurant--why mess with a good thing?
11. I think reality t.v. is creepy.
12. I'm an English major, but I think Jane Austen is boring. I like the movie with Keira Knightley, though.
13. I name our cars depending on their color--Fern (our light green Odyssey), Ruby (our red Hyundai), and Pearl (our white Highlander.)
14. I think Steve is cuter without hair.
?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Playing catch up
Somehow Halloween has come and gone and we are in November! Ah, sweet, schizophrenic Utah. Trying to decide whether to be 40 degrees or 80. Steve is madly trying to finish the sprinklers before the snow comes in earnest and buries our yard until spring.
A couple fun things happened in the last month:
1. The second weekend of October was the end of the summer Platinum party. This year it was held at the capitol building, which meant that we all got to dress up, eat well, and listen to some jazz. I've had some nice memories of the place: Steve and I went to prom there in high school and I had my bridal pictures taken on the huge staircase.
2. Steve and I went on a day-long trip to Park City. We shopped at the outlets, spent the night in a hotel, and I once again proved that I can pick the most expensive restaurant within a ten mile radius. It's a gift. Poor Steve. He had the soup.
3. After only 11 years of marriage and 4 children, we have acquired 4 Halloween decorations: a web, a large, hairy spider I like to call Porsche, a small spider named Bob, and a sign we stick in the dirt that has a skeleton's bony arm with finger pointing to our haunted house. Alas, no one came. We have very few neighbors. I still buy candy because it just seems wrong not to have it just in case.
4. My kids trick-or-treated in my mom's neighborhood--a veritable trick-or-treater's Mecca. Her street is a part of a series of cul-de-sacs and after only an hour, our kids' bags were full. I have spent the last day or two picking up wrappers and trying to brush the kids' teeth with reckless abandon. I don't think it's doing much, though. I think they are eating candy in their sleep. I guess it should make me feel good that we are single-handedly putting our dentist's 9 kids through college...
5. I got to go to a Halloween party hosted by my friend Kathy who is the music/art teacher at Challenger. Several of my teacher-friends came and it was GREAT to see them and talk about the time we spent in the trenches together. Sure, my witch hat burst into flames when I sidled up against a skull candelabra and sure, a complete stranger yanked it off my head, stomped on it a few times, and handed it back to me, but it was worth it. I need to get a new costume for next year, anyway.
A couple fun things happened in the last month:
1. The second weekend of October was the end of the summer Platinum party. This year it was held at the capitol building, which meant that we all got to dress up, eat well, and listen to some jazz. I've had some nice memories of the place: Steve and I went to prom there in high school and I had my bridal pictures taken on the huge staircase.
2. Steve and I went on a day-long trip to Park City. We shopped at the outlets, spent the night in a hotel, and I once again proved that I can pick the most expensive restaurant within a ten mile radius. It's a gift. Poor Steve. He had the soup.
3. After only 11 years of marriage and 4 children, we have acquired 4 Halloween decorations: a web, a large, hairy spider I like to call Porsche, a small spider named Bob, and a sign we stick in the dirt that has a skeleton's bony arm with finger pointing to our haunted house. Alas, no one came. We have very few neighbors. I still buy candy because it just seems wrong not to have it just in case.
4. My kids trick-or-treated in my mom's neighborhood--a veritable trick-or-treater's Mecca. Her street is a part of a series of cul-de-sacs and after only an hour, our kids' bags were full. I have spent the last day or two picking up wrappers and trying to brush the kids' teeth with reckless abandon. I don't think it's doing much, though. I think they are eating candy in their sleep. I guess it should make me feel good that we are single-handedly putting our dentist's 9 kids through college...
5. I got to go to a Halloween party hosted by my friend Kathy who is the music/art teacher at Challenger. Several of my teacher-friends came and it was GREAT to see them and talk about the time we spent in the trenches together. Sure, my witch hat burst into flames when I sidled up against a skull candelabra and sure, a complete stranger yanked it off my head, stomped on it a few times, and handed it back to me, but it was worth it. I need to get a new costume for next year, anyway.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
It's Gonna Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight...
Sitting here, typing this blog post, I can hear the helicopters zooming overhead to douse the flames and smoke that are still making their way down the mountains just behind our house. The fire started 3 days ago at Camp Williams, where some oblivious military personnel had shooting practice with machine guns in spite of the red flag that had been issued because of high temperatures and low humidity. A fire quickly caught hold of the dry sage and brush and spread up the mountain behind us.
Sunday, after a nap, I wandered into our family room and noticed an odd orange light coming from the high window in our entryway. Then we saw the smoke. Orange and black and white, coming from behind our mountain. It looked like there was a lot of blue sky around it, though, so we were hopeful that it would quickly be contained.
It wasn't. The next time we looked outside, there was a snake-like line of fire approaching our house. Fire trucks and helicopters did what they could, but there is limited access to the top of our mountain, so they had to wait for the fire to come to them. One image in particular haunts me. It's of our fire, miles long and hungry, coming down our mountain and leaving red hot ash behind it (like lava) and one lone fire truck at the base, waiting with all of its lights on and sirens screaming, as the fire approached it. It reminded me of that scene on Titanic when the captain knows they are going down so they send out flares and the camera pans back so that you can see that there is nothing but deadly, dark, freezing ocean for miles and miles around. In this case, though, the fire trucks beat back the fire.
The kids panicked and ran through the house with armloads of things from their closets and the game room that they dumped down into the family room. Apparently, "pick only the important things" included every toy they have ever owned. I ran around and put most of their stuff back and tried to pick the things that were important to me, too. We ended up with some things we needed, but, most importantly, my two favorite pairs of jeans and the boys' Wii. We are simple people.
Steve stayed in the house for as long as he could. He reminded me of captain Ahab, standing against nature's open maw. It scared me to death, but he finally joined us at my parent's house at 5 the next morning. We thought we'd be able to go back that day, but we were kept back from our road by the military and the police.
We slept at my parents' for two nights. After the first night, my mom joked that we had another day until she'd kick us out to fend for ourselves at the high school with the other evacuees. Bless her, she never did kick us out even after my kids lost their minds and practically begged me to end their lives.
Tuesday night at 8, (day 2 of the evacuation) I got a call from Felisha that the police had left our road. I had been glued to the website that gave what I thought was up-to-date info about which evacuation orders had been lifted. My dad and I quickly piled into his car to see if she was right. She was! We went home and I gathered and dumped things and kids alike into our car so that I could zoom up the road to our house with my foot only letting up from the gas when we passed the policeman sealing off the road leading further up the mountain.
I was offered love and help by many. Thank you all. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for saving me and mine AGAIN. Thank you to all the policemen, firemen, bulldozer drivers, helicopter pilots, etc. from 4 different states who were willing to stand up and shake their fist at such a huge fire and win. We don't even have smoke damage in here. Three homes were lost, but there are pictures of the fire coming right up to the backyards of many others. So many were blessed, and I am one of them. I am thankful.
Sunday, after a nap, I wandered into our family room and noticed an odd orange light coming from the high window in our entryway. Then we saw the smoke. Orange and black and white, coming from behind our mountain. It looked like there was a lot of blue sky around it, though, so we were hopeful that it would quickly be contained.
It wasn't. The next time we looked outside, there was a snake-like line of fire approaching our house. Fire trucks and helicopters did what they could, but there is limited access to the top of our mountain, so they had to wait for the fire to come to them. One image in particular haunts me. It's of our fire, miles long and hungry, coming down our mountain and leaving red hot ash behind it (like lava) and one lone fire truck at the base, waiting with all of its lights on and sirens screaming, as the fire approached it. It reminded me of that scene on Titanic when the captain knows they are going down so they send out flares and the camera pans back so that you can see that there is nothing but deadly, dark, freezing ocean for miles and miles around. In this case, though, the fire trucks beat back the fire.
The kids panicked and ran through the house with armloads of things from their closets and the game room that they dumped down into the family room. Apparently, "pick only the important things" included every toy they have ever owned. I ran around and put most of their stuff back and tried to pick the things that were important to me, too. We ended up with some things we needed, but, most importantly, my two favorite pairs of jeans and the boys' Wii. We are simple people.
Steve stayed in the house for as long as he could. He reminded me of captain Ahab, standing against nature's open maw. It scared me to death, but he finally joined us at my parent's house at 5 the next morning. We thought we'd be able to go back that day, but we were kept back from our road by the military and the police.
We slept at my parents' for two nights. After the first night, my mom joked that we had another day until she'd kick us out to fend for ourselves at the high school with the other evacuees. Bless her, she never did kick us out even after my kids lost their minds and practically begged me to end their lives.
Tuesday night at 8, (day 2 of the evacuation) I got a call from Felisha that the police had left our road. I had been glued to the website that gave what I thought was up-to-date info about which evacuation orders had been lifted. My dad and I quickly piled into his car to see if she was right. She was! We went home and I gathered and dumped things and kids alike into our car so that I could zoom up the road to our house with my foot only letting up from the gas when we passed the policeman sealing off the road leading further up the mountain.
I was offered love and help by many. Thank you all. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for saving me and mine AGAIN. Thank you to all the policemen, firemen, bulldozer drivers, helicopter pilots, etc. from 4 different states who were willing to stand up and shake their fist at such a huge fire and win. We don't even have smoke damage in here. Three homes were lost, but there are pictures of the fire coming right up to the backyards of many others. So many were blessed, and I am one of them. I am thankful.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Zion, Dear Zion
Ah, to be home. Ohio tried its darndest to keep us there--I went to the airport on the 23rd and our plane came in with 2 flat tires. The poor woman from American Air got on a mike and said that our plane would be delayed because they didn't have enough tires available. I went into a huge line and then was told that the flight was cancelled. I laughed. When I finally got to the woman who looked like she had been gang beaten, she told me the soonest I could get home was by taking a 7:15 a.m. flight to Chicago and then home to Utah. My children, meanwhile, ran through the waiting area and made themselves nuisances. I tried to pretend they weren't mine, but then Topher came up to me and loudly told me that he needed to poo and ran off with a hand on his bum. The man behind me bemusedly told me he would hold my place in line. Bless the woman who later distracted my hoodlums with her French bulldog puppy for a few blessed minutes.
The airline put us up in a hotel and served us pepperoni pizza in our room and at 4:30 a.m. I woke the kids up and herded them to the airport shuttle. Topher didn't stop crying all morning. I put him on top of the wheeled luggage so I could pull him along, and he fell asleep and fell off the side onto his head. Have I mentioned I don't like flying? It makes me sick and after 3 hours I start to feel claustrophobic, I start hyperventilating, and I grip the armrests until my knuckles go white. When it gets really bad, I find myself mumbling a prayer with my head resting on the seat in front of me.
When we landed and I stumbled off the plane, I ran to the baggage area hoping that the kids were keeping up (they were.) When we saw my mom and dad, they all subsequently dropped any and all luggage they were holding for me.
To sum the summer up, (and really any summer where we do sales) I liken it to the story of Persephone. You know, the lady who ate the pomegranate seeds and had to live for 4 months in hell so she could go home for the other 8? That's me.
Being home is wonderful. The mountains are like sentinels and the heat doesn't feel like I have stepped out into someone's open mouth. Sure I have mice who have taken up residence in my cabinets and fireplace and have outsmarted my traps (I heard one set it off in the fireplace, struggle, and then saw that it had run off with my cracker-bait)and sure one of the mice is running through the cabinets with a trap STILL ATTACHED, but I got one of the little suckers and have now declared war on Mickey and all his kinfolk. The good news is that there are no bears living in the basement and nothing has carried off any of the kids during the night. Phew.
I got my hair cut and dyed (ah) and even tried out eyelash extensions today and then realized, to my chagrin, that I am allergic to the glue and went to have them removed the same day. FYI--if you have to get extensions removed, the solution that takes them off stings like crazy and it has to sit on your lashes for 10-20 minutes. Of course, with my luck it was 20. I could hear in my mother's tone of voice that she really wanted to say, "Vanity, thy name is woman," but she didn't and I love her for it.
When Steve gets here, it will be home again.
The airline put us up in a hotel and served us pepperoni pizza in our room and at 4:30 a.m. I woke the kids up and herded them to the airport shuttle. Topher didn't stop crying all morning. I put him on top of the wheeled luggage so I could pull him along, and he fell asleep and fell off the side onto his head. Have I mentioned I don't like flying? It makes me sick and after 3 hours I start to feel claustrophobic, I start hyperventilating, and I grip the armrests until my knuckles go white. When it gets really bad, I find myself mumbling a prayer with my head resting on the seat in front of me.
When we landed and I stumbled off the plane, I ran to the baggage area hoping that the kids were keeping up (they were.) When we saw my mom and dad, they all subsequently dropped any and all luggage they were holding for me.
To sum the summer up, (and really any summer where we do sales) I liken it to the story of Persephone. You know, the lady who ate the pomegranate seeds and had to live for 4 months in hell so she could go home for the other 8? That's me.
Being home is wonderful. The mountains are like sentinels and the heat doesn't feel like I have stepped out into someone's open mouth. Sure I have mice who have taken up residence in my cabinets and fireplace and have outsmarted my traps (I heard one set it off in the fireplace, struggle, and then saw that it had run off with my cracker-bait)and sure one of the mice is running through the cabinets with a trap STILL ATTACHED, but I got one of the little suckers and have now declared war on Mickey and all his kinfolk. The good news is that there are no bears living in the basement and nothing has carried off any of the kids during the night. Phew.
I got my hair cut and dyed (ah) and even tried out eyelash extensions today and then realized, to my chagrin, that I am allergic to the glue and went to have them removed the same day. FYI--if you have to get extensions removed, the solution that takes them off stings like crazy and it has to sit on your lashes for 10-20 minutes. Of course, with my luck it was 20. I could hear in my mother's tone of voice that she really wanted to say, "Vanity, thy name is woman," but she didn't and I love her for it.
When Steve gets here, it will be home again.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
32 years down...
My birthday came and went, as all birthdays tend to do. It went really well. I only got one strange comment from a bank teller (who was the human equivalent of biting on tinfoil) who noticed from my driver's license that it was the big day and made a tsk noise and said it was all downhill from here with no trace of humor. Hmm. I choked down the compulsion to punch him in the face and smiled until my cheeks hurt. In my head I sang "Happy Birthday to me" and felt better.
The funny thing about being out doing sales for the summer is that I have to wait ALL day to go out on a date. Steve came home early (8:45), so we went to the Olive Garden. Yum. They have those in Ohio, too. Afterward, we went to the movie theater and saw Inception. It was good in a disturbing, subconscious, controlled through your dreams, Matrix-y kind of way. Leonardo DiCaprio no longer looks like I outweigh him, and that is good.
During the day, I had the best brownie I have ever had from Panera Bread. Felisha, you were so right. Panera Bread is Nirvana. The aforementioned brownie was almost black it was so full of chocolate-y goodness, it had little bits of chocolate chips, and it was the perfect amount of munchy/chewy. I inhaled it and wished after that I had gazed at it fondly and named it first. I even shared with my daughter and then wondered, guiltily, why I had.
All in all a good day.
The funny thing about being out doing sales for the summer is that I have to wait ALL day to go out on a date. Steve came home early (8:45), so we went to the Olive Garden. Yum. They have those in Ohio, too. Afterward, we went to the movie theater and saw Inception. It was good in a disturbing, subconscious, controlled through your dreams, Matrix-y kind of way. Leonardo DiCaprio no longer looks like I outweigh him, and that is good.
During the day, I had the best brownie I have ever had from Panera Bread. Felisha, you were so right. Panera Bread is Nirvana. The aforementioned brownie was almost black it was so full of chocolate-y goodness, it had little bits of chocolate chips, and it was the perfect amount of munchy/chewy. I inhaled it and wished after that I had gazed at it fondly and named it first. I even shared with my daughter and then wondered, guiltily, why I had.
All in all a good day.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
We are not in Utah anymore, Toto
Ways to know you are not in Utah anymore:
1. When taking the kids out in public, everyone looks at us like having 4 kids who are obviously brothers and sister is a stare-worthy event. Multiply by two when Karen and I go somewhere together with all 8 of our kids.
2. Tornado sirens are common-place. I think I could deal with a lot of rain, but adding a tornado siren ups the panic factor by quite a bit.
3. Walking on grass may mean being latched onto by ticks. I actually considered using the flea/tick medicine for Chewie on the kids. Decided against it.
4. Lots of green. Trees, grass, vines, bushes. Everywhere. I thought I was into living green things, but I'm starting to feel like the stuff is going to take over.
5. Putting on chapstick=dressing up. I've been wearing the same pants for a few days now. Having this job means deciding whether you would rather haul clothes and shoes across the country or wear the same things a lot. Guess which one I picked.
6. Having a car means I have borrowed it from Karen or it is early or late enough that Steve isn't using it for work.
7. We have no internet or cable at our apartment. The boys are constantly glued to the Wii or the same 7 movies I brought out here. We have memorized a lot of Kung Fu Panda and can recite it on demand.
8. We live in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. The boys share a queen bed and Kayla gets her own twin. Topher usually ends up on the couch in the living room because he is so excited to be with his brothers that he can't be quiet and go to sleep.
9. Crazy schedule. Eating out at 11 p.m. is normal. Steve works from 11a.m.-10 p.m. daily but Saturdays when it's 8:30 a.m.-10 p.m. and has Sundays off. Going to a movie means staying up until 2 a.m. When the movie is Eclipse it is totally worth it. (Four of the women from the office are going to the 12:10 a.m. showing on June 30th.)
10. The kids have had 5 sleep overs with their cousins and play with them every day. I think they'll have withdrawals when we go home.
1. When taking the kids out in public, everyone looks at us like having 4 kids who are obviously brothers and sister is a stare-worthy event. Multiply by two when Karen and I go somewhere together with all 8 of our kids.
2. Tornado sirens are common-place. I think I could deal with a lot of rain, but adding a tornado siren ups the panic factor by quite a bit.
3. Walking on grass may mean being latched onto by ticks. I actually considered using the flea/tick medicine for Chewie on the kids. Decided against it.
4. Lots of green. Trees, grass, vines, bushes. Everywhere. I thought I was into living green things, but I'm starting to feel like the stuff is going to take over.
5. Putting on chapstick=dressing up. I've been wearing the same pants for a few days now. Having this job means deciding whether you would rather haul clothes and shoes across the country or wear the same things a lot. Guess which one I picked.
6. Having a car means I have borrowed it from Karen or it is early or late enough that Steve isn't using it for work.
7. We have no internet or cable at our apartment. The boys are constantly glued to the Wii or the same 7 movies I brought out here. We have memorized a lot of Kung Fu Panda and can recite it on demand.
8. We live in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. The boys share a queen bed and Kayla gets her own twin. Topher usually ends up on the couch in the living room because he is so excited to be with his brothers that he can't be quiet and go to sleep.
9. Crazy schedule. Eating out at 11 p.m. is normal. Steve works from 11a.m.-10 p.m. daily but Saturdays when it's 8:30 a.m.-10 p.m. and has Sundays off. Going to a movie means staying up until 2 a.m. When the movie is Eclipse it is totally worth it. (Four of the women from the office are going to the 12:10 a.m. showing on June 30th.)
10. The kids have had 5 sleep overs with their cousins and play with them every day. I think they'll have withdrawals when we go home.
Monday, June 7, 2010
We are here! We are here! We are here!
We made it to Ohio with 4 kids, two lay-overs, 2 security checks, one throw up scare on the plane (me), and one nauseous but relieved woman who's just glad to see her husband. Plane rides make me sick. The first trip from SLC to Cincinnati was bumpy. I gripped the arm rest and a barf bag while my youngest whooped and laughed a row behind me. I found a little relief when I put my forehead on the chair in front of me and mumbled, "Help me." The second flight was really nice and short and surprisingly turbulence-free. When we made it to the Columbus airport, Steve met us at the baggage check and, quoting Kayla, "You half ran and half skipped to Daddy. No one should have to see that from behind." Thanks, sweetie.
While Karen and I were out walking on a little trail by our apartments with all eight of our kids and two others from our office, I was reminded that we are not in Utah anymore, Toto. We both commented on the big, angry looking clouds that were coming our way. Suddenly, we heard a loud siren start up behind us and realized that it was a tornado warning. Rain came over us in a sheet of water and Karen and I ran to get the kids ahead of us who were riding scooters and bikes. A ranger in a truck came by and picked up me and Topher, but I had lost sight of Karen and the rest of the kids. He took us back to our apartments and went back to collect a sopping wet Karen with 9 kids and several bikes and scooters from someone's garage. Silly, mountainless place. We're out in the open just waiting for any old tornado or wayward storm to carry everything off.
We are adjusting pretty well. It's great to be with Steve again and the kids have Karen's family to play with and I have Karen. We had a dessert night last night with the office and a game night with Karen, Aaron, Cat, Cordon, Ben, and me. Steve fell asleep on the couch. We were up until 1 playing Settlers and Shanghai. So fun. Dragging a little today, but it was worth it. Miss you, Mom and Dad.
While Karen and I were out walking on a little trail by our apartments with all eight of our kids and two others from our office, I was reminded that we are not in Utah anymore, Toto. We both commented on the big, angry looking clouds that were coming our way. Suddenly, we heard a loud siren start up behind us and realized that it was a tornado warning. Rain came over us in a sheet of water and Karen and I ran to get the kids ahead of us who were riding scooters and bikes. A ranger in a truck came by and picked up me and Topher, but I had lost sight of Karen and the rest of the kids. He took us back to our apartments and went back to collect a sopping wet Karen with 9 kids and several bikes and scooters from someone's garage. Silly, mountainless place. We're out in the open just waiting for any old tornado or wayward storm to carry everything off.
We are adjusting pretty well. It's great to be with Steve again and the kids have Karen's family to play with and I have Karen. We had a dessert night last night with the office and a game night with Karen, Aaron, Cat, Cordon, Ben, and me. Steve fell asleep on the couch. We were up until 1 playing Settlers and Shanghai. So fun. Dragging a little today, but it was worth it. Miss you, Mom and Dad.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
He's in the details
In times where I am sure I am wound as tightly as I can be, I am amazed at the whisperings of peace I receive. One happened about a week ago when I had a consultation with Kayla's urologist. After he told me that she could have surgery and I teared up with relief, I was sent to get the appointment with the secretary. After a little work, she was able to procure the 7th of June. My initial reaction was to panic. We had plane tickets to meet Steve in Ohio for May 30th. What would I do? Then a quiet sense of peace filled me. I am able to recognize this as foreign to my nature right away and see it as what it is: someone who loves me and Kayla more than I can imagine. It was as if someone's warm hand was on my shoulder and an assurance that my plans would still work filled me. This would mean that someone scheduled for surgery would have to cancel his/her appointment. I went home with a sense of gratitude. The days went by. I began to doubt my initial feelings. My dad changed the flights at my request for June 15th. Two days ago, as I was picking Cole up from school, a nurse from Primary Children's called and asked me if I would like to take the spot that had just opened for Wednesday, the 26th. I said, "Yes!" and thanked her several times. My sweet dad was able to change our flights back to the 30th with no penalties.
I hope that I can have enough faith the next time to be patient when I feel a prompting. What a miracle! We miss Steve and the thought of two extra weeks without him had left me feeling overwhelmed and panicky.
I am so grateful that my Father has heard my prayers and granted me peace. Some people have the gift of a calm spirit from birth. I think Glen and my dad do. Steve and my boys do, too. When I feel calm, I know it isn't something I have achieved by myself; it is pretty obvious who it is from.
I hope that I can have enough faith the next time to be patient when I feel a prompting. What a miracle! We miss Steve and the thought of two extra weeks without him had left me feeling overwhelmed and panicky.
I am so grateful that my Father has heard my prayers and granted me peace. Some people have the gift of a calm spirit from birth. I think Glen and my dad do. Steve and my boys do, too. When I feel calm, I know it isn't something I have achieved by myself; it is pretty obvious who it is from.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Ode to J. Crew
Ah, J. Crew. I love your pencil skirts and your lush cardigans in every beautiful shade of the rainbow. And the fact that I can browse through your clothes online while watching Kung Fu Panda with my sleeping son in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, priceless.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
One line
There's a story about a young man taking a religious studies exam at Cambridge University nearly two centuries ago. He and his fellow classmates had been asked to write about the spiritual significance of the miracle of Jesus turning the water into wine. For two hours, all the other students busily filled page after page with their thoughts. The young man, however, just gazed out of the classroom window. Near the end of the period, the proctor came over to him and insisted that he start writing or fail the exam. The young man, who happened to be Lord Byron, took up his pen and wrote only one line: "The water met its master and blushed."
A change in plans...
Here's the life that happened while I was making other plans--
Mikayla is scheduled for surgery on June 7th and for a week of recovery. When the doctor said 'surgery' I actually teared up because I was so RELIEVED. I was afraid he'd say that this was just something that she would have to deal with her whole life and send me home with a 5 year prescription for antibiotics. He did say that she will have to learn how to relax her muscles so that her bladder can send signals to her brain again. Apparently, she has clenched her sphincter muscles for so many years that her brain and bladder can't send signals to each other any more. When she does go, she doesn't empty out all the way so bacteria have a party in there. First, the doctor is going to fix the reflux by reimplanting her ureter to another part of her bladder. This is a 90 minute surgery. After she recovers for a week, Kayla needs to learn how to read her body's signals again. She has to set her watch to go off every two hours so she can completely void. She has medicine to relax her bladder and muscles, too.
The life I had planned was to get the surgery done in the next couple days, let her recover for a couple more days, and whisk her away to Ohio on the 30th, where I would nurse her tenderly back to health with ice-cream and butterfly kisses.
It just wasn't in the cards.
Mikayla is scheduled for surgery on June 7th and for a week of recovery. When the doctor said 'surgery' I actually teared up because I was so RELIEVED. I was afraid he'd say that this was just something that she would have to deal with her whole life and send me home with a 5 year prescription for antibiotics. He did say that she will have to learn how to relax her muscles so that her bladder can send signals to her brain again. Apparently, she has clenched her sphincter muscles for so many years that her brain and bladder can't send signals to each other any more. When she does go, she doesn't empty out all the way so bacteria have a party in there. First, the doctor is going to fix the reflux by reimplanting her ureter to another part of her bladder. This is a 90 minute surgery. After she recovers for a week, Kayla needs to learn how to read her body's signals again. She has to set her watch to go off every two hours so she can completely void. She has medicine to relax her bladder and muscles, too.
The life I had planned was to get the surgery done in the next couple days, let her recover for a couple more days, and whisk her away to Ohio on the 30th, where I would nurse her tenderly back to health with ice-cream and butterfly kisses.
It just wasn't in the cards.
Trying to class up my act
Now that my parents and my Relief Society president are reading my blog, I will try to class up my act and not use the word 'suck' or any of its derivatives. :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
I need a Xanax
The last couple days have been suckish for us. First, Cole slammed the door on Topher's pinky toe. Hard. The poor little guy screamed like he had lost a toe. It was dark purple, swollen, and didn't look as much like a toe as a little prune. We're pretty sure it's broken. I would like to say that I took Cole by the hand and sweetly assured him that I still loved him even though he squished my baby's toe, but I didn't do that. I'm not positive about what I said, but it was not sweet and I think by the time we got to my parents' house to consult someone more clear-headed than I was, everyone in the car was crying. Toph's a lot better now--he walks on his heel and has put some weight on it, but it looks like there was a lot of broken blood vessels and it feels hot.
Today I got to take Kayla to the new Primary's in Riverton (it's nice.) She has had urinary reflux since she was born which is, according to someone completely non-medical (me), a condition where her pee goes up her little tubes that connect to her kidneys because of a faulty valve and can do some damage in there. It also causes UTIs. A lot of them. The sad thing is that she's had so many that she's stopped telling me about them. Even when there's blood. She went to the SLC Primary Children's Hospital when she was 6 and was given tests and put on antibiotics when they confirmed what was wrong. After a year of antibiotics, the doctors assured us that the reflux was gone. Ha. Ha ha. It is not gone. It was taking a nap for a couple years and it is now wide awake and making her miserable and even crankier than usual. (Yikes.) Today she got an ultrasound and they told me that there's no scarring in her kidneys, but her urethra is swollen and her bladder lining is thick, resulting from multiple infections. Then Kayla was put through the mother of all tests for a little girl. She was put into a gown, laid out on a table, and told that a catheter would be put in. She was also told that a lot of water would fill her bladder through the catheter so that her bladder would be full almost to bursting. The machine hovering over her body was just going to take pictures. Kayla was fine with all of this in theory. When it actually happened, she panicked in a big way. She hyperventilated, she cried, she screamed for her dad, and she refused to pee on cue. After 10 minutes, the doctor told her she could go use the bathroom. Struck with a strong sense of deja vu, I remembered in detail a much younger Kayla with hair to her waist who refused to pee on cue then, too. Luckily, the doctor today was able to see what he needed regardless. Her reflux is back and it's worse. I go in Wednesday for a consultation. What does it mean that I am really hoping she can just get surgery and fix it? 'Cause that's where I am right now.
Today I got to take Kayla to the new Primary's in Riverton (it's nice.) She has had urinary reflux since she was born which is, according to someone completely non-medical (me), a condition where her pee goes up her little tubes that connect to her kidneys because of a faulty valve and can do some damage in there. It also causes UTIs. A lot of them. The sad thing is that she's had so many that she's stopped telling me about them. Even when there's blood. She went to the SLC Primary Children's Hospital when she was 6 and was given tests and put on antibiotics when they confirmed what was wrong. After a year of antibiotics, the doctors assured us that the reflux was gone. Ha. Ha ha. It is not gone. It was taking a nap for a couple years and it is now wide awake and making her miserable and even crankier than usual. (Yikes.) Today she got an ultrasound and they told me that there's no scarring in her kidneys, but her urethra is swollen and her bladder lining is thick, resulting from multiple infections. Then Kayla was put through the mother of all tests for a little girl. She was put into a gown, laid out on a table, and told that a catheter would be put in. She was also told that a lot of water would fill her bladder through the catheter so that her bladder would be full almost to bursting. The machine hovering over her body was just going to take pictures. Kayla was fine with all of this in theory. When it actually happened, she panicked in a big way. She hyperventilated, she cried, she screamed for her dad, and she refused to pee on cue. After 10 minutes, the doctor told her she could go use the bathroom. Struck with a strong sense of deja vu, I remembered in detail a much younger Kayla with hair to her waist who refused to pee on cue then, too. Luckily, the doctor today was able to see what he needed regardless. Her reflux is back and it's worse. I go in Wednesday for a consultation. What does it mean that I am really hoping she can just get surgery and fix it? 'Cause that's where I am right now.
Friday, May 14, 2010
My heart took a picture
As I try not to count down the days I have left before I see my husband, (16) I have made an effort to have my heart take pictures of things (I suck at taking pictures with my camera.) One thing that made my heart happy was when I went to Challenger to eat lunch with my dear friend Jenny (she's blood really, being from Arizona) I got to see my kids. When I say my kids, I mean my students from third grade. A few of them rushed to me on the way to lunch and it took everything in me not to cry hysterically and kiss their heads and tell them I love them. Jamie ran out of the lunch room when she saw me and smiled her big smile. I opened my arms and she ran to me. I got to hug her! It meant so much. I thank God for those few moments and for giving me the time I had with them. To quote Les Mis, "to love another person is to see the face of God." The view takes my breath away.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
'Bacher babes
What I love about
Kayla
*She is strong.
*She loves to read.
*She adores Topher.
*She is a good friend.
*I usually don't have to remind her to make her bed.
*She sings to her ipod really loudly.
*She loves going out with my mom.
*She is smart.
*She loves pink.
*She loves her cousins.
*She loves to get her toes painted.
*She reminds me of several strong-willed people from both sides of the family...
*I got her name from my Grandma Glenda when she was doing Spanish geneology work.
*I asked her to put her grievances with her brothers into one sentence and she said, "Okay, but this will take a lot of commas."
Josh
*He calls Cole his best buddy.
*When he was little, he saw a ray of sun shining through some clouds and asked, "Mommy, is God talking to someone?"
*It feels good to be around him.
*He helps the other kids at school when they don't understand something.
*He's not too cool to get excited.
*He looks like his dad.
*When he doesn't know someone, he says, "Hi. I'm Josh."
*He makes up little songs.
*He loves to read.
*He loves people.
*He told me I make the best lasagna in the business.
*I think I know how Steve was as a child because of him.
*He calls me mommy still.
*He says sorry.
Cole
*He reminds me of Glen.
*He had hair like a troll doll when he was a baby.
*He was an angel baby.
*He has eyes like my mom.
*When he had to transfer schools, he told me he learned everything there was to learn from Challenger and had to move on.
*He is usually quiet and calm.
*He cries when Josh is in trouble.
*His favorite candy is "Starburts."
*He loves it when Josh reads to him.
*When I won't go on scary rides, he stays with me.
*His initials are CTR (Colton Tate Rindlisbacher.)
Topher
*He calls Kayla Walla.
*I asked him if he was sweet and he said, "No, I Toph."
*He is eye candy.
*He likes to eat.
*He has an awesome giggle.
*He likes his belly button.
*He sings to himself.
*He is happy.
*He has cute, crooked toes.
*He wakes me up in the morning by climbing into my bed and putting his hand on my face and saying, "Mommy."
*He repeats the last word of my sentences as a question.
*He still lets me hold him.
*He looks really cute when he runs.
*His initials are CTR (Christian Topher Rindlisbacher.)
Kayla
*She is strong.
*She loves to read.
*She adores Topher.
*She is a good friend.
*I usually don't have to remind her to make her bed.
*She sings to her ipod really loudly.
*She loves going out with my mom.
*She is smart.
*She loves pink.
*She loves her cousins.
*She loves to get her toes painted.
*She reminds me of several strong-willed people from both sides of the family...
*I got her name from my Grandma Glenda when she was doing Spanish geneology work.
*I asked her to put her grievances with her brothers into one sentence and she said, "Okay, but this will take a lot of commas."
Josh
*He calls Cole his best buddy.
*When he was little, he saw a ray of sun shining through some clouds and asked, "Mommy, is God talking to someone?"
*It feels good to be around him.
*He helps the other kids at school when they don't understand something.
*He's not too cool to get excited.
*He looks like his dad.
*When he doesn't know someone, he says, "Hi. I'm Josh."
*He makes up little songs.
*He loves to read.
*He loves people.
*He told me I make the best lasagna in the business.
*I think I know how Steve was as a child because of him.
*He calls me mommy still.
*He says sorry.
Cole
*He reminds me of Glen.
*He had hair like a troll doll when he was a baby.
*He was an angel baby.
*He has eyes like my mom.
*When he had to transfer schools, he told me he learned everything there was to learn from Challenger and had to move on.
*He is usually quiet and calm.
*He cries when Josh is in trouble.
*His favorite candy is "Starburts."
*He loves it when Josh reads to him.
*When I won't go on scary rides, he stays with me.
*His initials are CTR (Colton Tate Rindlisbacher.)
Topher
*He calls Kayla Walla.
*I asked him if he was sweet and he said, "No, I Toph."
*He is eye candy.
*He likes to eat.
*He has an awesome giggle.
*He likes his belly button.
*He sings to himself.
*He is happy.
*He has cute, crooked toes.
*He wakes me up in the morning by climbing into my bed and putting his hand on my face and saying, "Mommy."
*He repeats the last word of my sentences as a question.
*He still lets me hold him.
*He looks really cute when he runs.
*His initials are CTR (Christian Topher Rindlisbacher.)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Beauty
For those who would like a good read and a great short video of photos of Christ put to beautiful music--
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak--from the point of view of Death during the time of Hitler. Beautifully written with few words in sentences that gave me goosebumps. Every page has a way of saying something simply and meaningfully. This is my third time reading it and I love it more every time.
Got this site from a friend--www.capturedmiracles.org. 4 minutes. Love it.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak--from the point of view of Death during the time of Hitler. Beautifully written with few words in sentences that gave me goosebumps. Every page has a way of saying something simply and meaningfully. This is my third time reading it and I love it more every time.
Got this site from a friend--www.capturedmiracles.org. 4 minutes. Love it.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Finally!
I dyed my hair a fun red color awhile ago (see previous entry) and when my cute red-headed niece, Lilly, saw me, she shrieked, "You finally have red hair!" I feel like I have been admitted into a very exclusive club and part of me is very proud...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Attitude
My Mikayla has decided that children's menus are beneath her. We just got back from a little trip to St. George and we went to dinner the last night at the Brick Oven. Mikayla wanted to get the buffet but refused to get it from the children's menu even though she was getting the exact same thing, it was just half as much on the kid's menu. After dealing with a lot of attitude and several stink eyes, I threatened to give her to the nearest Indian. (When my kids are bad, I threaten to give them to the Indians. They are used to this.) I told her that a nice tribe of Navajo Indians was not far and would love to have her. She rolled her eyes and said," Like you know any Navajos." Bless her heart. I hope she marries a very patient, quiet man. We may have to rely a lot on her good looks. :)
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Confessions
* I hate to scrapbook. I suck at it, it takes me a long time, and yes I am an active Mormon.
* Same goes for sewing.
* My kids eat cereal for more than one meal often and some days for every meal.
* Josh just asked me if moms are supposed to cook.
* I don't know how to get pictures on this blog or facebook.
* I don't like pie.
* I don't make my own bread or even want to.
* I love jeans. A lot. And J. Crew cardigans.
* I'm making pancakes for dinner right now.
* I go to movies just because Johnny Depp is in them.
* I am qualified to home school my kids, but I really don't want to, so I won't.
* I don't watch the news because I can't sleep afterward.
* I used to watch Law and Order SVU but don't anymore for the same reason.
* I hate to dust.
* I love the smell of coffee.
* I think SpongeBob is funny.
* I think the first Work and the Glory movie is better than all the books. (*Gulp* Can I say that out loud?)
* I get my feelings hurt too much.
* I love to watch people get their hair done.
* I love to get my hair done.
* I change my hair on a whim because I can't get a tat or more piercings. :)
* I've called my daughter Attila since she was two for obvious reasons.
* I call Topher Fatty Pants McGee.
* My toes look like the little sea creatures that Ursula turns Mermaids into.
* Same goes for sewing.
* My kids eat cereal for more than one meal often and some days for every meal.
* Josh just asked me if moms are supposed to cook.
* I don't know how to get pictures on this blog or facebook.
* I don't like pie.
* I don't make my own bread or even want to.
* I love jeans. A lot. And J. Crew cardigans.
* I'm making pancakes for dinner right now.
* I go to movies just because Johnny Depp is in them.
* I am qualified to home school my kids, but I really don't want to, so I won't.
* I don't watch the news because I can't sleep afterward.
* I used to watch Law and Order SVU but don't anymore for the same reason.
* I hate to dust.
* I love the smell of coffee.
* I think SpongeBob is funny.
* I think the first Work and the Glory movie is better than all the books. (*Gulp* Can I say that out loud?)
* I get my feelings hurt too much.
* I love to watch people get their hair done.
* I love to get my hair done.
* I change my hair on a whim because I can't get a tat or more piercings. :)
* I've called my daughter Attila since she was two for obvious reasons.
* I call Topher Fatty Pants McGee.
* My toes look like the little sea creatures that Ursula turns Mermaids into.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My cousins!
I don't know where else to put this so I will put it here because it is my blog after all...
Kirsta! Heather! Yea! I have missed you and love you! Your comments have made me happy! How does one become friends on facebook with you, KJ?
Kirsta! Heather! Yea! I have missed you and love you! Your comments have made me happy! How does one become friends on facebook with you, KJ?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Why
It seems like it's taking me too long to get over not being a teacher. I think I'm confused about how to define myself. I always felt like I could ensure myself a job as long as I did what was asked. Lesson plans? Three weeks ahead. Calling parents? I was there until 6 pretty much every night. Over the last couple months, I have tried to wrap my brain around what I could have done differently. Tried to logically explain to myself what had happened. I haven't been able to. Logic doesn't seem to be a part of the ultimate decision. And while it is a bit of a relief that I did everything I could, it is also devastating because I did everything I could. It feels like a freak of nature, like a tornado or earthquake has brought me to my knees and asking why doesn't explain what made the plates shift or the winds twist. Just accepting seems to be the only option, and yet I am having a hard time. How long is acceptance going to take? Is it too much to hope for that one day I will actually be grateful that this happened? I want to be. I want to look back without feeling like I am pushing on a bruise. I want to have peace--to be able to look back and with understanding say, "Oh, that's why."
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
What I love about Steve
Got this idea from my brother. Not that he made a list about Steve, but he made a list about his beautiful wife and, hey, it was a good idea, bro.
I love Steve because:
* He can say he loves me with his eyes.
* He tells the truth.
* He turns his head to the side and laughs when the kids say something outrageous.
* He just found out that he loves the color red even though he's a BYU fan.
* He looks good with a shaved head.
* He has a sexy walk.
* He likes it when I buy him clothes.
* He is loyal to his company.
* He is a good boss.
* He knows how to make anything that has a tortilla...
* He won't wear gloves when he works because he says he can't feel the medium.
* He loves to play football although the odds are that he will need to be rushed to an emergency room (after stopping at Wendy's because he's been playing and he's hungry....)
* He loves basketball enough to get up at 6:30 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
* He doesn't speak guile.
* He likes Andy the best on "The Office."
* He loves the smell of a construction site.
* He believes the best about everyone.
* He gets me dark chocolate when he goes to the grocery store.
* He calls my mom "Mom."
* He loves Toyota trucks.
* Animals love him.
* He makes me laugh.
* He thinks he is lucky to have married me.
* He is ambitious.
* He calls his little sister Mish.
* He is kind.
* He calls broccoli "a vile weed."
* He loves retro music.
* He plays the trumpet...still.
* He drove a dump truck when he was 12.
* He calls pajamas "bed clothes."
* He doesn't like nuts because they leave little bits in his mouth.
* He does what is right even if it is hard.
* He prays and believes he will get an answer.
* He asks Topher for some "Toph love" when he wants a hug.
* He loves Glen like he's his own brother.
* He forgives.
* He looks nauseous when he sees needles.
* He passed out when he got an IV.
* He turned green when he saw my epidural.
* He got me a burrito from Morelia's each time I had a baby so I wouldn't have to eat hospital food.
* He's named all of our dogs after Star Wars characters.
* When we are apart and I see him, I feel like I can breathe again.
I love Steve because:
* He can say he loves me with his eyes.
* He tells the truth.
* He turns his head to the side and laughs when the kids say something outrageous.
* He just found out that he loves the color red even though he's a BYU fan.
* He looks good with a shaved head.
* He has a sexy walk.
* He likes it when I buy him clothes.
* He is loyal to his company.
* He is a good boss.
* He knows how to make anything that has a tortilla...
* He won't wear gloves when he works because he says he can't feel the medium.
* He loves to play football although the odds are that he will need to be rushed to an emergency room (after stopping at Wendy's because he's been playing and he's hungry....)
* He loves basketball enough to get up at 6:30 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
* He doesn't speak guile.
* He likes Andy the best on "The Office."
* He loves the smell of a construction site.
* He believes the best about everyone.
* He gets me dark chocolate when he goes to the grocery store.
* He calls my mom "Mom."
* He loves Toyota trucks.
* Animals love him.
* He makes me laugh.
* He thinks he is lucky to have married me.
* He is ambitious.
* He calls his little sister Mish.
* He is kind.
* He calls broccoli "a vile weed."
* He loves retro music.
* He plays the trumpet...still.
* He drove a dump truck when he was 12.
* He calls pajamas "bed clothes."
* He doesn't like nuts because they leave little bits in his mouth.
* He does what is right even if it is hard.
* He prays and believes he will get an answer.
* He asks Topher for some "Toph love" when he wants a hug.
* He loves Glen like he's his own brother.
* He forgives.
* He looks nauseous when he sees needles.
* He passed out when he got an IV.
* He turned green when he saw my epidural.
* He got me a burrito from Morelia's each time I had a baby so I wouldn't have to eat hospital food.
* He's named all of our dogs after Star Wars characters.
* When we are apart and I see him, I feel like I can breathe again.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Being a mother of 4
Sometimes I come across something while I am reading that is so well worded and perfect for my life that I have to put it somewhere. This excerpt is from "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver:
"A mother's body remembers her babies--the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has its own entreaties to body and soul.... A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world...But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after--oh, that's love by a different name. She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she's gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She's the one you can't put down."
I've read this over and over and it still chokes me up. Love it, love it, love it!
"A mother's body remembers her babies--the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has its own entreaties to body and soul.... A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world...But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after--oh, that's love by a different name. She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she's gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She's the one you can't put down."
I've read this over and over and it still chokes me up. Love it, love it, love it!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Someone call Stacy and Clinton for me, please....
Has anyone ever woken up, gone into their closet, and come up with an outfit that they later found to be hideous? Yesterday, I thought I'd rock my new camos, an olive colored hoodie that is at least two sizes too big, and some stripy socks that I used to wear to brighten up my third graders' outlook on life. I even wore said ensemble to a get together with some teacher friends. Bless their hearts. They didn't even mention that I was going a little too uber grunge for a public place. Today I wore the same hoodie and happened to come across a full-length mirror and a mirror placed behind me so that I could get a good look at the back of me too. Yikes! I think we really need to replace our 3 bathroom lights that have gone out and haven't been replaced yet so I can accurately assess the damage in the morning before I leave my house....
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Is it already March?
Today has found me very grateful. Grateful that February 2010 is over. Grateful that I am not feeling as bruised. When I first was home with the kids again, it was sadly intimidating. Just putting Topher in the car gave me a twinge when I realized that I couldn't get him in his carseat without hitting his little head on the inside of the car. I wasn't used to the heft of him--how much strength it took to get him in the car and in his seat without bonking his head somewhere. I am grateful that I carry him so much now that I can get him in and out even when he is asleep.
I am grateful because Josh seems to be stronger with me just around. He doesn't yell at his brothers and sister as much. I think worrying about when he would see me next gave him some anxiety. An 8 year old shouldn't have anxiety like that.
I am grateful because I can talk to Mikayla. She likes to talk. A lot. And when every moment of a teacher's day seems to be scheduled out and accounted for, sometimes the details of a child's life can be put to the side or even the cause of some annoyance. I want her to be able to talk to me. I have time for her now.
Cole. Little Cole who reminds me of a young Glen (my brother.) Quiet now as he was as a baby. Tough. Observant. In tune to my frantic nature and affected by it. I can read to him now. I can go over his homework. I can just sit.
Teaching is what I always wanted to do. I never doubted. Never changed my major. I raced through college as if pursued. I never would have quit my job. No matter what. I think such tenacity can be a good thing, but at what cost? My kids are all very young. I don't want them to remember their mother as someone whose job meant more than they did. And so I have been given this chance to be with them, read to them, re-memorize the pancake recipe, be there when they wake up, be home when they forget something and need me to run it to them. Maybe Heavenly Father knew I needed to be with them and this was the only way to get to me. As horrible as the break from my job was, maybe this is where I should be right now.
I am grateful because Josh seems to be stronger with me just around. He doesn't yell at his brothers and sister as much. I think worrying about when he would see me next gave him some anxiety. An 8 year old shouldn't have anxiety like that.
I am grateful because I can talk to Mikayla. She likes to talk. A lot. And when every moment of a teacher's day seems to be scheduled out and accounted for, sometimes the details of a child's life can be put to the side or even the cause of some annoyance. I want her to be able to talk to me. I have time for her now.
Cole. Little Cole who reminds me of a young Glen (my brother.) Quiet now as he was as a baby. Tough. Observant. In tune to my frantic nature and affected by it. I can read to him now. I can go over his homework. I can just sit.
Teaching is what I always wanted to do. I never doubted. Never changed my major. I raced through college as if pursued. I never would have quit my job. No matter what. I think such tenacity can be a good thing, but at what cost? My kids are all very young. I don't want them to remember their mother as someone whose job meant more than they did. And so I have been given this chance to be with them, read to them, re-memorize the pancake recipe, be there when they wake up, be home when they forget something and need me to run it to them. Maybe Heavenly Father knew I needed to be with them and this was the only way to get to me. As horrible as the break from my job was, maybe this is where I should be right now.
Friday, February 19, 2010
I will not say uncle! I will dye my hair and face the world!
Have you ever had a month so terrible, so truly awful and wretched that the old adage "bad things come in threes" would have been a blessed relief? This past month has been one of those for me. One thing has happened after the next in such rapid-fire succession that I have felt shaken down, beaten up, and then backed up over. Well, no more! For some reason, doing drastic things to my hair has been an outlet for nasty feelings, excitement, and even boredom. I have decided to dye my hair auburn. For anyone who would like to see what I am going off of, look at www.lunaticfringesalon.com. The first picture that pops up has the color I want. Bold? Yes. Different? Yes. Able to help me forget the end of January and February 2010? Hopefully. I'll take pictures. :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Bahamas, here we come!
Due to some awesomeness on the part of Platinum, Steve and I get to go on a cruise! I am so excited! This last month has been nightmarish and we could really use the break. Thanks Mom and Dad for helping with the kids!
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