Is it already March?

Today has found me very grateful. Grateful that February 2010 is over. Grateful that I am not feeling as bruised. When I first was home with the kids again, it was sadly intimidating. Just putting Topher in the car gave me a twinge when I realized that I couldn't get him in his carseat without hitting his little head on the inside of the car. I wasn't used to the heft of him--how much strength it took to get him in the car and in his seat without bonking his head somewhere. I am grateful that I carry him so much now that I can get him in and out even when he is asleep.
I am grateful because Josh seems to be stronger with me just around. He doesn't yell at his brothers and sister as much. I think worrying about when he would see me next gave him some anxiety. An 8 year old shouldn't have anxiety like that.
I am grateful because I can talk to Mikayla. She likes to talk. A lot. And when every moment of a teacher's day seems to be scheduled out and accounted for, sometimes the details of a child's life can be put to the side or even the cause of some annoyance. I want her to be able to talk to me. I have time for her now.
Cole. Little Cole who reminds me of a young Glen (my brother.) Quiet now as he was as a baby. Tough. Observant. In tune to my frantic nature and affected by it. I can read to him now. I can go over his homework. I can just sit.
Teaching is what I always wanted to do. I never doubted. Never changed my major. I raced through college as if pursued. I never would have quit my job. No matter what. I think such tenacity can be a good thing, but at what cost? My kids are all very young. I don't want them to remember their mother as someone whose job meant more than they did. And so I have been given this chance to be with them, read to them, re-memorize the pancake recipe, be there when they wake up, be home when they forget something and need me to run it to them. Maybe Heavenly Father knew I needed to be with them and this was the only way to get to me. As horrible as the break from my job was, maybe this is where I should be right now.